


You can’t just say you have a new Stick, Clyde.

by Tak0yama



Category: South Park
Genre: Cartman is a smartass, Clyde is trying, Craig is done, Cryde if you squint, Enemies to Friends, Escape, Kidnapping, Kyle is angry, M/M, South Park: The Stick of Truth, Stick of Truth AU, Warming Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-07 17:24:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14675889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tak0yama/pseuds/Tak0yama
Summary: The Dark Lord Clyde has risen to power once more, with a new stick he claims to hold even more energy than the one lost in the lake. In an attempt to seal his throne, he kidnaps the kings of the rivaling factions, the Humans and the Elves. He plans to kill them off from the game in the morning, so Kyle and Cartman will have to learn to get along for once in order to take back the Stick once more.





	1. Chapter 1

The sound of thunder crashed through the night in the backyard of Clyde Donovan’s house. The boy had broken the rules of the Stick once again when they started playing fantasy, claiming that this new stick he had picked up on the walk home from school held even greater power than the previous. He had reclaimed his title of Lord of Darkness, and invited Craig over to become his thief again. And with the help of the black haired boy, he was able to kidnap their greatest foes yet.

Well, other than the New Kid, who was sick today.

The Grand Wizard and High Jew Elf King were right here, unconscious and tied up in front of him.

Clyde did his best evil king laugh as Craig stared down at the other two boys. “Wait, how did you even knock them out?”

Clyde stopped laughing as he looked at the other boy. “Uh, I looked up stuff that could knock people out. I think it was called choloraform?” He stumbled over his words as he tried remembering what it was called. “But I just waited until they were asleep to use it.”

“Oh. Ok.”

After a moment of silence, Clyde smiled once more. “And now we have the human and elf Kings right here! And once we kill them off from the game, no one could take back the Stick!”

“But what about Douchebag?” Craig replied. “When he starts feeling better he can just take the stick back. We don’t have the Taco Bell sauce anymore, and we’d have to recruit our army again.”

“Come on, Craig!” Clyde complained. “Stop trying to ruin everything with your facts! I don’t care about all the holes in my plan, I just wanna rule!”

“Alright, fine. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Craig spoke as he walked over to the ladder, and began to make his way down. “I’m gonna go use the bathroom real quick. Text me if one of them wakes up.”

Clyde watched Craig leave the fortress, and walk inside of the house. He saw him talk to his father a bit before finally going upstairs. The brunette grinned as he turned his attention back to the Kings. He walked over and poked each of them with his staff. Getting a bit annoyed that neither of them woke up. How long did chloroform last?

Another flash of light and a blast of thunder quickly broke Clyde from his trance. However long it took, Clyde was not waiting around to find out and get struck by lightning. He quickly ran to the ladder and started making his way back to his house, leaving the two kings to wake up on their own.


	2. Chapter 2

The leader of the humans began to regain consciousness. His head was throbbing. He groaned as he finally opened his eyes, the darkness around him seeming normal. He then quickly came to the realization that he couldn’t move his arms. In fact, he might not be able to move at all. This wasn’t his room, his room had a bed, and when it rained it didn’t sound like he was right in the middle of it.

He noticed a pressure against his right shoulder, moving very lightly, seemingly breathing. A glance to the right confirmed his suspicion. It was hard to see based off the lack of light, but he can faintly feel twigs poking into him from his hat. Why were there twigs on this kid’s head?

Wait.

 _Kyle_ had twigs on his hat.

Cartman did a double take, and before he could figure out if it was actually him or not, the other started to shuffle a bit.

“Huh…?” The voice was gentle as it spoke. “Ow… Damn it…” He too seemed to be in pain.

“Kyle?!” The wizard blurted out.

The redhead shouted as he fell back, flinging himself off Cartman’s shoulder. “Cartman?!” He groaned a bit as his head hit the wooden floor, before looking up at the other boy. “What the fuck?”

“What’re you fucking doing here?!” Cartman quickly retaliated, struggling against the ropes.

“Me?!” Kyle shouted in response, starting to get himself off the floor. “What’re you fucking talking about, fatass?” He too struggled against the restraints, shutting his eyes tightly as he used all his strength to try and break free. “Why did you bring me here? The war between Elves and Humans is over!”

“Why would I bring you here, fucking asshole?” Cartman glared down at where he thought Kyle was, “If anything, it’s your sneaky Jew ass trying to start something!”

“Oh no, Cartman!” The redhead spoke with rage in his tone. “Don’t you try to blame this on me!”

“Hey!” A quiet voice was heard, and before the Elf could finish his response, he stopped to try and find the source. The boys heard fast rapping on a window, before realizing they were in the backyard of someone else’s house. They each spotted the window, before noticing another 4th grader standing on the other side.

It was Clyde. And he was holding up a sign that only read; _Shut the fuck up._

Both boys stared at the window, their mouths agape.

_“Dude…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, shitty chapter, but I just wanted to get something new out there. I’ll try making the next one better.


End file.
